I don’t suppose that it is entirely accurate to call it a party when there are just four people gathered for supper and an evening of conversation – what the heck, I like the title and this is mostly about how life is altered by small events.
My friend Kelli drove up from south of the boarder, bringing her friend Lydia with her for an overnight visit. Food, wine, chocolate and some candles in the living room and the four of us are laughing, sharing stories and letting our hair and guard down for a little while.
This morning they’re on the road, Nats is at work and I’ve just finished cleaning up the kitchen. I’m a bit down as it’s very quiet here right now and the fact that I was in a room with good people who cared about me is just starting to sink in.
People who did not want anything from me, people who were not using me to some advantage. I don’t know how to react to that and I’m afraid that I’ll wake up later to find out that it was all some sick and twisted game at my expense. I doubt that will happen though as the four of us share a common bond, a common path, a common set of experiences both good and bad.
I want nothing other than to be thought of with a smile and he thought that I’m a good person, that I made a difference. Anyhow. Maybe I’m just hung over a touch?
So I sip my coffee and think back to points in the past where I was not sure of the motives behind the smiles. Now I know, now I put all th pieces together and a light bulb goes off in the deep dark recesses of my mind – damn you – damn you all to hell for what you did.
A special place in my heart for people both good and not so good. One place is warm and welcoming, the other is cold and inhospitable – I think everyone knows which side is reserved for them, but which side do I lay in?
Enough of this introspective stuff for now – I have a day to overcome.
